Where the F*** is my Dish Soap? Amazon, ARE YOU LISTENING?

#Amazon

 

Do NOT mess with
my capacity to wash dishes

Where the F is my dish soap--and my Archway Molasses Cookies, and my Cherry Lime LaCroix AND MY PONYTAIL HOLDERS. Cue to Amazon: RantWoman DID NOT RECEIVE ANY OF THESE ITEMS. Read on for what RantWoman has to say about the delivery issues including the face that the app does not appear to offer any way to say Rantwoman wants these items replaced ASAP.

Look. RantWoman knows that anyone olde enough to be conscious on September 11, 2001 probably has their social media streams full of horror and heroism. Sometimes though the RantWoman department of First World Problems and Unsolicited Free Advice just NEEDS TO GO OFF.

Easy RantWoman. Easy. Think Mr. Spock and #LLAP. Breathe.

Dang it. RantWoman already talked to her plants several times today, but RantWoman HAS OPINIONS.

The source of today's ire: the phrase "Delivery facilitated by Amazon."

The first problem with this occurred a few days before the non-delivered items above. RantWoman ordered an increment of groceries she can handle. RantWoman requested delivery during a time window when she is definitely home. RantWoman even got the customary text saying basically "Items have been delivered. Please be sure to chill perishables."

The problem: to RantWoman "delivered" means placed politely right outside her apartment door." When this happens, RantWoman gets very happy in the Amazon aopp, offers a thumbs up and checks "Followed Directions." SO easy to make RantWoman happy.

To that driver, "delivered" meant plopped in the mail room somewhere near RantWoman's mailbox. The Amazon app offered the phrase "delivery facilitated by Amazon." It did not offer RantWoman the opportunity to give the delivery person a giant thumbs down and to excoriate them for failing to follow directions.

Packages have frequently known to walk away from the mail room, borne by someone other than the intended recipient. 

Packages also have the address including the apartment number printed in teeny tiny type. RantWoman lives in a building with neighbors who have all kinds of barriers to reading package labels in teeny tiny type from packages left on the floor. RantWoman cannot help noticing: the package labels also appear to have enough white space that there is definitely room to pring address info, especially apartment number IN BIGGER TYPE.

But read on! There is more.

The next round of "Delivery facilitated by Amazon" involved the items listed above. The Amazon app assured RantWoman that the items were "handed to another resident."

WTF???

It's one thing when packages walk away from the mail room without authorization. But handing the packages to anyone but the person on the label is a GIANT invitation for people to meet their own household needs. RantWoman has a couple times HAPPILY offered her ID to drivers when she is expecting a package. But handing the packages to a random resident and not even giving RantWoman an opportunity to rant about the issue within the app is another problem ENTIRELY.

Am I understood???

Small additional note: RantWoman started an additional blog partly because of hitting a major birthday. RantWoman means to look in the Amazon app for perks associated with this milestone. RantWoman is also pondering what might motivate her to check out the delivery competitors. In the meantime, RantWoman will continue her awkward tradition of detailed customer service RANTS.